Your Starting Line. Warm-up Before You Begin

Step One: Take a personal inventory.

It is not selfish to begin by focusing on yourself. In the case of any project that affects virtually every aspect of life, it is essential to take stock of what you bring to the table at a core level... who you are, what you want and what your team (and family) can count on you for.

Taking stock is an act of generosity. It is about taking responsibility for the quality of your contribution to the process and unfolding your own expectations. This essential first step lays down an initial outline that will become refitted when you later collaborate with your partner. But, more on that later…

Begin unraveling your own answers to: "what do I want for me in my new space?" by considering the following inquiries:

1. What phase of life am I in?
(1b.) What phase am I approaching?

(Another way to ask this is What are my priorities today, and which ones might be changing in some small or great way?)

Once you have written your thoughts down then consider: What phase of life is reflected in my home currently... beneath the obvious!

2. Which priorities (or personal values) do I tend to lead with most strongly in public?

(2b.) Which do you tend to lead with in private?
Now, ask: Which values is my home leading with?

3a. What areas of my life energize me

3b. Which calm me?
Now ask: Which areas of my home energize me? Is it sufficient for me?


Discussion:


Consider the question ‘What phase of life am I in now?’ A couple in their twenties or thirties (generally) tends to socialize late into the night more often relative to those of us in later phases of life. That is not to say that once these twenty and thirty year-olds hit their forties they will no longer wish to entertain friends in the evening. (On the contrary, they may tend to place an even deeper value on the time spent with friends. It’s just that other values may have shifted shift a bit too. Your values may only have altered by mere degrees but those tiny degrees can widen significantly over time so, make no mistake. They count!


Don’t worry about buttoning down the details of how your personal values verses those of your spouse, the kids, as well as your designer's agenda will fit together at this early stage. Besides, your main job is to become freshly acquainted with your current list of needs and wants, and what you want more-of from life moving forward. Clarity can take a little time and has it's own process. But, even if you never end up with more a vague sense of what you want, a designer with great communication skills will be able to draw you out a little more. Keep in mind, however, that their job is to interpret whatever insight you give to them. So, taking the time to explore what you want and revise what you already think you know, can make the difference in the final analysis. Your home can either reflect (perhaps more efficiently) the life you have been living -but that may not really support your emerging values-, or it can actually become a partner in further encouraging a direction you find yourself embracing more and more.
It makes a difference in the user-friendly-ness of your home!

Can I Just Say... "I told you so!!!"

When I speak of self-management during a home remodel, I get two primary responses. One group, having had at least one home-remodel under their belt responds enthusiastically. They get it immediately. Let’s face it, remodelling one’s home is a pivotal life-experience because it touches every aspect of day-to-day life.

Even if you believe you were born to remodel, you might ask yourself why you feel that way. Is it about the creative process? A new challenge? The coveted feeling of feeling of accomplishment or legacy? To put a fine point on it, where is the rush for you?

Maybe part of the excitement has something to do with the magnitude of the project? It is a big one; that is certain! It’s pivotal... any way you slice it; whether you can’t wait to engage or whether you go into it with dread. Like any major surgery, especially to the house that is our home, we voluntarily open ourselves up to feelings of vulnerability on every major field from budget to beauty.

What’s more, you- the homeowner, is usually not a builder. And if this is your first time, you have not ever lived through a substantial home make-over; particularly if you plan to live in your home during the event.

Prepare to feel astonished if you are not properly prepared. The first and most obvious astonishments you will face are:

1. the length of time it actually takes to complete. Even if it is completed in six months and on time, you will be amazed at how long six months will feel.
2. the money it will actually cost to go from what you can afford to what you actually want. Try not to make your professional team responsible for upping the budget if you are asking for changes that reflect more of what you want rather than what your plans specify. This happens all too often, and no one walks away feeling good about it.
3. the day-to-day impact on your life and relationships.

If all else fails, you might just let everyone know you may be a little off for a few months. But, to just love you through it and you will eventually return with bells on. What are true friends for if not to hold your place while you step out of line, right?

It doesn’t take Einstein to figure out that anyone about to remodel would gain hugely from an opportunity for candid (no B.S.) tools for self-management, and some get-real advice. After all, if stepping over the human equation during critical times actually worked, there would be far fewer stories of turbulence, deep fatigue, and even divorce during major home re-construction.

However, because we as an industry have only just begun to examine this previously ignored component of home-renovation, the other half of folks I talk to (about self-care and personal management tools), naively wonders if all the emotional hoop-la is really true. They wonder, that is, until they are knee deep in their own hoop-la... if you know what I mean.

However, if you are properly and personally prepared, and you have given yourself the gift of a short course in getting-real about remodelling, you will be far less likely to be thrown off your warm centre than most.

The main question then becomes, how do you prepare; how can you find the tools to get you and your family through it elegantly and with unusual grace for a first-timer?

When the pressure mounts, and you are squeezed somewhere between the kids, their summer vacation, the stress of semi-camping for months on end, work as usual, and the whole remodel-thingy , increasing budgets and extending completion dates, and you are gaging on having to make even one more finish selection... you may find yourself fantasizing heavily about driving south until the gas in your tank runs out.

Here is a link (below) to a recent article in San Francisco Magazine. It is an interview with designer Rachelle Goodfriend who speaks on the subject very broadly. She is yet another professional who has decided to pay attention to this aspect of home renovation and give it its due. If you or anyone you know is remodelling or thinking about remodelling, help them out. Tell them about Remodelling Couples. We specialize in helping you plan strategy around planned chaos, and keeping the personal ovation in your home-renovation.

We have an opportunity to change the way we think about remodelling, even how we approach our project as a whole story. It is absolutely possible to expect a better experience than you might have guessed. Keep your eyes open, and your curiosity informed. You decide...Enjoy the article linked below, and I invite you to email me your comments or questions. http://www.sanfranmag.com/story/couples-couch

Home-Remodeling and it's Impact on Relationships

My husband and I have been involved in home remodels together for the last 11 years. He is what you might call a serial-remodeler. I am not. I go kicking and screaming every time. Still it's what he loves to do. He is, after all, a professional... his company is among the top 200 in the U.S. and he made The Remodeling Big 50 (2007) for Business Savvy.


So, needless to say, he knows everything. I say that tongue in cheek but it really is true. He's very good at what he does. He is a powerful personality, and relentless in his expectations.


I, on the other hand, have more the heart of the poet. I would spend my life studying the cosmos, philosophy and people, and then write, write, write. Clearly we are very different on our approach to life. My own parents built homes together when I was a child and I still remember the atmosphere in our home. It was hard for them.


So, imagine my expert husband and I involved in remodeling two of our own homes together, both at the same time. I am not the least bit embarrassed to say that it almost cost us our marriage. It was so difficult for me to endure our differences during two such high octane projects, that the only value I could see by the end of it all was to share my learning with other couples. I wanted it to count for something truly meaningful so that I could feel like the pain was worth the learning. My homes are beautiful and I can appreciate them now, but what has stayed with me is a deep desire to address this invisible aspect of home-remodeling. I know how often couples are struck by the unexpected emotions and issues that rise out of something that involves lots of money, and deeply personal definitions of Home. My husband and I are better than ever now. We managed to grow through it all, and we both learned a great deal. It's time to pass it along. Now I am committed to helping other couples who want to ensure that their project will be successful and that their relationship will continue to thrive, during and after their project.
http://www.conscioustransitions.net